I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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