New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
