I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
