there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
