ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
