I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
