we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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