I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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