This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
