she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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