He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
