So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
