In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
