Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
