my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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