It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Damn victory sex feels great
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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