forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
