It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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