There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
