i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
