just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
