i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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