Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
