Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
