it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
