I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
