Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
