sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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