You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
