she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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