Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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