I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
