Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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