It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
