I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
