dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
