How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
