The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
