exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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