A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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