so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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