Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
