if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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