I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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