i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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