he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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