if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
