best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
