I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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