I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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