I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
