Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
