I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
