I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
