We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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