I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
