You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
