The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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